Guilt Free, Healthy Negligence: The Corona Effect

I’ve only touched a trumpet once since my last gig on March 15.  And I'm ok with it.  I don’t feel guilty about it and I don’t care that I don’t feel guilty. 

Since that weekend in mid March when corona virus shut everything down, many of us have been confined to our houses with endless time on our hands.   Hobbies, “someday” projects and self-improvement have taken center stage.  I've done some of that. But nothing has involved playing the trumpet.  I started a new blog and published a backlog of about 30 posts. I did a ton of yard work including the removal of 3 small, dead trees. I did lots of research and reading for an upcoming sustainable living project. I ran a DIY half marathon because the one I signed up for got canceled.  Even so, most of my time these past weeks has been spent reading for fun, sleeping late, watching Netflix, and playing video game hockey.  No trumpet.  Very little music.  And I’m good with it. 

I don’t miss it.  And I don’t feel like a loser when I see Facebook posts from friends about how much they have been “in the woodshed” practicing for the past month.  I do have a bunch of music projects I'd like to work on at some point, but not now. 

The last time I felt this way was 2010, when we went on a 5 week family road trip out west. I played a gig the night before we left, and another the day after we came home. In between? Nothing.  And I didn’t care at all. I didn’t miss it at all. 

When we got home from the trip I showed up at my gig the next day a little worried that my chops were super out of shape and I would really suck. But the opposite happened. I played great and really enjoyed the gig.  Maybe it was what they call beginners mind. I had no expectation of how I was going to perform that day and therefore didn’t pressure myself to push too hard or expect too much. I just did the best I could and enjoyed the moment. 

Things did catch up with me a few days later and I had to rededicate myself to getting back into playing shape. But by then I was fresh, re-energized and inspired to do that work. I was ready and glad to be back at it, but it didn't happen before it needed to. This current period reminds me of that time. 

I’m not confessing my recent, musical disinterest to "lazy-brag", or to get nominated for Slacker King.  Instead, I offer the idea that it’s ok, even beneficial, to sometimes take an extended break from doing what we love, especially if it's our career.  It’s like being in a relationship. Sometimes you need to be away from your partner for a while to allow that spark to reignite. Then you can come back fresh. But forcing the enthusiasm just doesn’t work. 

I told my friends I’ll probably practice again in a week or two.  We’ll see how it goes.  I do look forward to playing gigs again when this is all over and I know that, in order to  play well and have fun, I’ll need to revive my practice routine and get my musical self together again.  I'll enjoy doing that when the time comes. 

In the meantime I’m going to lay here in the hammock for a little while longer, then go for a run. Guilt free.

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